Thursday, November 18, 2010

Baby Miscarriage

A miscarriage is a heart tugging event. My wife and I have had three, with the most recent last week. I am not writing this to prompt your sympathy cause I know most of you are very sympathetic and would be in prayer for us. I just wanted to put my thoughts out there. Our first miscarriage was back in March of 2007 with a loaded U-haul truck headed south moving from Iowa to Oklahoma. I remember the events play-by-play. They stick in my head so much because my human frailty became so evident during this time.

I have to share a little history, my wife and I had five children at that point practically by rubbing elbows the first 10 years of our marriage. :-) To conceive again and have complications was a shocker. When things were finally confirmed about the miscarriage I think I experienced every emotion known to man in a matter of 5 seconds (Anger, hurt, confusion, frustration, grief, sadness, etc.). This cycle of emotions left me numb and speechless, grasping for some form of context to try and comfort myself and comfort my wife. It was a tough time.

After some praying, tears, and hugs we proceeded back down the highway. My wife and I were in the bucket seats of our Chevy G20 van (named Old Betsy) when our second born son, whose was eight at that time, said, "I know why God allowed that to happen". We both looked at each other in amazement and said, "You do? Why?" Our son said, "Because God wanted to know if something happened that we didn't want to happen if we would still trust Him". As he spoke those words it is as if each word was being etched in my heart with a hot pen.

Lisa and I both looked at each other and at the same time teared up and then began to pray and affirm our trust in God. God just used an eight year old boy to secure our hearts and shore up our faith and put everything back in perspective. Little did we know seven months later we would face our second miscarriage and we didn't conceive again until January 2009. In a nutshell this is what I have learned:

  1. That it is easy to trust and have faith when things are going my way, but the true test is when things are not going my way.
  2. That control is an illusion. I am dependent. Jesus is not only savior but LORD.
  3. Trying to figure out how and why in these situations can take you under real quick unless you truly stop trying to figure it out and cast the care on the LORD.
  4. Either I trust God or I don't. Either God is sovereign or He's not.
  5. To value the conception of a child at day one, and enjoy each day even as the baby is maturing in the womb.
  6. To not allow a miscarriage to alter your plan or desire for more children. God can give you courage to move on. We are so thankful we proceeded forward and God blessed us with number six two years later!
  7. This was a friendly reminder that the whole process of conception needs to be done in faith and shouldn't be taken for granted. It taught me to take the season of child bearing years as a gift from God and to be a good steward of this time.
  8. That there is a real spiritual peace that God supplies that has this mysterious way of comforting the human heart.
  9. That God speaks through my children.
  10. That God's ways are higher than my ways and his thoughts are higher than my thoughts. There are some things I may never understand but the lack of understanding does not have to cause me to doubt God's ability or His sovereign will.

Fear can truly attempt to take residence in couples heart after a miscarriage. Moving forward with intimacy and moving forward in procreation has to be done in faith. Personally, I believe the worry and fear associated with a past miscarriage produces stress that hinders the child bearing process. I am no doctor, but I do know that fear is not from God and the atmosphere that fear generates is not productive. I told my wife to not assume and jump to conclusions that something is wrong with her physically. I have seen crack addicts have healthy babies. I have seen women that have intentionally starved themselves and tumble down stairs end up with healthy babies. So it still boils down to the sovereign will of the Lord. No matter how much medical science discovers about hormone levels it still boils down to this. DO WE TRUST HIM EVEN WHEN THINGS HAPPEN WE DON'T WANT TO HAPPEN.

I thank God for our three miscarriages they have drawn me close to the bosom of my Heavenly Father, closer to my wife and the children I have been blessed with. The picture above was the pregnancy of our 6th baby, which is proof that there is life after miscarriage. I am a gratefully, dependent man that is blessed with a wonderful wife.
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Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Resurrection of a Blog

You know I was enjoying keeping this blog up to date, but somehow time slipped away. I think I have conditioned myself through my twitter and facebook accounts to update my heart in 140 characters or less and the blog took a back seat. :-) Anyway I just wanted to break the silence.
What am I learning today?
That my life means more to God than it does to me. His investment in me makes Him the majority stake holder. So the more I use the way God designed me the more glory goes to God.
Let me know how you are doing.
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