Thursday, November 18, 2010

Baby Miscarriage

A miscarriage is a heart tugging event. My wife and I have had three, with the most recent last week. I am not writing this to prompt your sympathy cause I know most of you are very sympathetic and would be in prayer for us. I just wanted to put my thoughts out there. Our first miscarriage was back in March of 2007 with a loaded U-haul truck headed south moving from Iowa to Oklahoma. I remember the events play-by-play. They stick in my head so much because my human frailty became so evident during this time.

I have to share a little history, my wife and I had five children at that point practically by rubbing elbows the first 10 years of our marriage. :-) To conceive again and have complications was a shocker. When things were finally confirmed about the miscarriage I think I experienced every emotion known to man in a matter of 5 seconds (Anger, hurt, confusion, frustration, grief, sadness, etc.). This cycle of emotions left me numb and speechless, grasping for some form of context to try and comfort myself and comfort my wife. It was a tough time.

After some praying, tears, and hugs we proceeded back down the highway. My wife and I were in the bucket seats of our Chevy G20 van (named Old Betsy) when our second born son, whose was eight at that time, said, "I know why God allowed that to happen". We both looked at each other in amazement and said, "You do? Why?" Our son said, "Because God wanted to know if something happened that we didn't want to happen if we would still trust Him". As he spoke those words it is as if each word was being etched in my heart with a hot pen.

Lisa and I both looked at each other and at the same time teared up and then began to pray and affirm our trust in God. God just used an eight year old boy to secure our hearts and shore up our faith and put everything back in perspective. Little did we know seven months later we would face our second miscarriage and we didn't conceive again until January 2009. In a nutshell this is what I have learned:

  1. That it is easy to trust and have faith when things are going my way, but the true test is when things are not going my way.
  2. That control is an illusion. I am dependent. Jesus is not only savior but LORD.
  3. Trying to figure out how and why in these situations can take you under real quick unless you truly stop trying to figure it out and cast the care on the LORD.
  4. Either I trust God or I don't. Either God is sovereign or He's not.
  5. To value the conception of a child at day one, and enjoy each day even as the baby is maturing in the womb.
  6. To not allow a miscarriage to alter your plan or desire for more children. God can give you courage to move on. We are so thankful we proceeded forward and God blessed us with number six two years later!
  7. This was a friendly reminder that the whole process of conception needs to be done in faith and shouldn't be taken for granted. It taught me to take the season of child bearing years as a gift from God and to be a good steward of this time.
  8. That there is a real spiritual peace that God supplies that has this mysterious way of comforting the human heart.
  9. That God speaks through my children.
  10. That God's ways are higher than my ways and his thoughts are higher than my thoughts. There are some things I may never understand but the lack of understanding does not have to cause me to doubt God's ability or His sovereign will.

Fear can truly attempt to take residence in couples heart after a miscarriage. Moving forward with intimacy and moving forward in procreation has to be done in faith. Personally, I believe the worry and fear associated with a past miscarriage produces stress that hinders the child bearing process. I am no doctor, but I do know that fear is not from God and the atmosphere that fear generates is not productive. I told my wife to not assume and jump to conclusions that something is wrong with her physically. I have seen crack addicts have healthy babies. I have seen women that have intentionally starved themselves and tumble down stairs end up with healthy babies. So it still boils down to the sovereign will of the Lord. No matter how much medical science discovers about hormone levels it still boils down to this. DO WE TRUST HIM EVEN WHEN THINGS HAPPEN WE DON'T WANT TO HAPPEN.

I thank God for our three miscarriages they have drawn me close to the bosom of my Heavenly Father, closer to my wife and the children I have been blessed with. The picture above was the pregnancy of our 6th baby, which is proof that there is life after miscarriage. I am a gratefully, dependent man that is blessed with a wonderful wife.
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  1. Thank you for sharing, Jonathan. While I've never known the experience of a miscarriage, I can certainly take these life lessons about things not happening as I've desired and apply them to the things I have experienced. This year alone, I've had to bury 4 loved ones and comfort 2 dear friends who have also lost their parents this year; I was abandoned by the man who had shared his intention to marry me; and the federal money that funded my place of nonprofit employment has been ended. I am certainly in a place of realizing that God is sovereign and either I will trust Him or not. I am so sorry to hear of this recent event in yours and Lisa's life, but I'm honored to be among those who are able to reap the benefit of your ever-growing knowledge and wisdom as you allow God to carry you through this time. Please share my love with your wonderful wife, and know that your family is in my thoughts and prayers.

    In Him...

  2. Tanea, Tanea, Tanea,
    Wow what a year. Utter dependence is what God wants. You have had a lot leave you this year, but thank God that he has no variableness nor shadow of turning. Hang in there, Sis! you are in our prayers!

  3. Jonathan my prayers go out to you and lisa as i too have experienced 3 miscarriages disbursed among the births of my 3 loving kids. I totally agree that your faith in the lord is strenthened if you put your faith in him during bad times as well as the good ones. I believe that no matter what happens in ones life the lord walks with you and sometimes even carries you through it. God Bless Terri

  4. Yolanda and I had three miscarriages before having our first child. It took us 6 years to conceive Kayla. However, Alexis came 10 months and 28 days after Kayla was born. We wish the miscarriages had not happened. However, we are blessed with two beautiful daughters today. But, our first miscarriage threw us in a tailspin emotionally for a while. Just remember that the fact that you hurt means you know how to love. God hurts, at times, on our behalf as well. So be blessed.

  5. You are sooo on point. Trusting God has become a necessity of lifestyle around these parts with the transition of our oldest... not just that, but trusting in situations like these becomes so much more vivid. We have come to realize that Our GOD is also the God of our children and if He will give us the mouth of the learned that we may speak an encouraging much more our children. If he will give His angels charge over us ...How much more our children that have received Him as Lord. Prayng for you and the family. Love you all very much.

  6. great insight, my friend. the LORD does speak through our children and it is easy to hear him that way if we have humility. i pray that your family would continue to grow stronger in the love of God, and operate through his grace and that he would add wisdom and knowledge to each hard experience to your family. it is why i have carried james 1:2 as a banner over my life b/c, as you stated, it is the hard times and trials that keep us on the path of life in Christ Jesus.

  7. Terri, Chaka, Tynez, and J.D. thanks for you comments. It's is amazing the situations that have taken place in our lives the prompt utter dependence on God. We are all better for it hugh?


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